wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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