I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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