I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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