speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
