No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
