I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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