hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
