he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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