I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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