okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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