So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
