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He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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