I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
