My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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