You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
