Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
