Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no you cant smoke seaweed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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