I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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