You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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