I just pynch a tree in the face
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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