with your own penis?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
