PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
