hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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