I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
