Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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