so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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