I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
