I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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