I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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