you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
