I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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