Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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