Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
