I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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