Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
