I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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