You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
