I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
