the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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