You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
