According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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