Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
