The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
