No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
