Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life is pants optional.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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