I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
