I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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