Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
