He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
