we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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