He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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