I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
