Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
