I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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