carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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