I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
