I have demons in me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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