Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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