Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
