Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
